Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
