Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
