i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
false alarm. still invincible.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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