I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
