the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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