she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
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Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
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my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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