Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
