you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
