I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Randomize
