There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
