Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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