butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
