Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
