By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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