She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
