ya dads aren't the best wingmen
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
