i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
