Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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