We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
