You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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