You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
