Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
