They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
