oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
