we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
