he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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