Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
