i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
