Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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