He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
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You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
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Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.