my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator