How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
