great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
