Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
