I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
