I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
