Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
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They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
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I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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