Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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