all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
