I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
