ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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