He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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