Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
