so that wasnt chicken after all
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
