he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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