so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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