you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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