the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
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You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
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But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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