life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize