I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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