i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
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That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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