You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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