She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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