i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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