Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
