He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Randomize
