I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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