the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
