im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
