okay pat passed out under dana's car
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
