It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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