do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
They are going to name an STD after you.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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