I will die if light touches me.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
