Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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