I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
