I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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