Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
