at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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