You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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