and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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