We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
