i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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