I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
