she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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