Will you blow on my dice?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
this beer tastes like vomit already
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
