community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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