Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
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This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Come on in and take your pants off
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