i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
